Cate Blanchett AND Tilda Swinton

You met them in 2002 in London, at a party after the BAFTAs. One of them had been in Adaptation and the other had been in one or more of the Lord of the Rings movies. You were talking to one of them, complimenting her on her work and skill (without actually saying anything specific about the movie she’d been in (because who knows which one you were talking to)) when the other one came walking by. Oh excellent here we go, you thought, hoping for an introduction from the first one so you could finally get this all sorted out. But no dice, the other one just said “Hi, nice to meet you” and extended her hand. So whatever, you started complimenting her work and skill sans specifics as well. The conversation all around was facile and lightly engaging, and then the three of you were sharing a limo back to the hotel, and then up to one of their’s rooms for a night-cap, and you were all pretty tight (to use the parlance of another day) by now, and one thing kept leading to another until you were all in bed. They were totally into it. It was a long, bacchanalian night. Who knew what parts belonged to whom. You had trouble reaching orgasm because of all the booze, but then you squinted your eyes a bit and thought of them as identical twin sisters and sure enough. Works every time.