The Cold Inclusive

Would:

• Goldenfiddle - Whatever new and disgusting sexually deviant shit some fucked-up drunk teenager is trying to add to Wikipedia right now, that’s what Spencer can do to me.

• Go Fug Yourself - One of my three main fantasies right now is where the Fug Girls tie me to a bed, dress me up in Bai Ling’s absolute grossest outfits, and then they just berate the shit out of me like a pair of demon Stacy Londons.

Wouldn’t:

• Hollywoodtuna - No offense. I actually really like the site, but I always feel really dirty after I look at it. Like the time I found all those Mexican donkey show bittorrents that my dad was seeding.

• Perez Hilton - Gross. Gross gross gross. I would let Gene Shalit give me a Boston Steamer before I ever let Perez be naked in the same hotel as me.