Each One Teach One About Comic Sans

November 17, 2006

Barb OfficeSo the other day my Team Leader came by my cubicle (Such was his mastery, that with merely a few flicks of his verbal paintbrush, a full-color portrait of his offline life came into brilliant, horrifying view) to show me a memo she had written. She wanted me to review it before it went out to the entire company. I took it from her and just stared at it, in shock. The memo was written entirely in Comic Sans. I couldn’t even actually read the words, I just stared at it, thinking Oh no, no no no, what should I do? I am holding a memo written in Comic Sans. ;_; I was so amazed and horrified that I just handed it back to her without even reading it and was like “OK looks great!” And as a result I failed to notice that she had completely screwed up the directions to the location of the event that the memo was about, and so office-wide panic and chaos ensued. Which is I guess my fault, for not really reviewing her work, but of course it WAS NOT MY FAULT because surely Comic-Sans-induced Temporarily Office Blindness is a disorder officially recognized by the AMA.

All, all of which is to say that after she left I started Googling all kinds of things like “How do you gently break it to your boss that use of Comic Sans is met with the same degree of horror as baby-raping?” There is no shortage of discussion on the internet about how Comic Sans is not used in polite society, but most of those posts would be too mean to forward to someone you work with. There needs to be a helpful resource where you can just lay bare the facts for the older generation and be like We’re sorry, we never ever should have left you alone in a room with a computer that had that font on it. We are as much to blame as you are. Someone please make a website like that and together we will teach our elders. Internet, hear my plea. I invoke the spirits of Jason Kottke, et al.

Our coworkers have so little to look forward to in-between child-rearing and death. They think liberal use of Comic Sans will inject levity and bonhomie into their soul-crushing existences, but it does not. This is quickly becoming a post about the need in our society for legal medically-assisted suicide, so I’ll just leave off and hope that someone seriously has some ideas about how I can prevent future use of Comic Sans in my office.

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