Missing People III

Part 3 in our remembrance of vanished internet personalities.

5. Melty (Ann Wilson)

• www.melty.com ( archive.org)
• melty pita (archive.org)
• Hockey Diaries (archive.org)
• Schoolie pita (archive.org)
• Ann’s History Log (archive.org)

6. Nathalie Chicha

• www.nchicha.com
• MediaBistro’s GalleyCat
• www.myspace.com/nchicha (Signs of life, but only 7 friends including Tom?)
• Google search for “Nathalie Chicha.”

Missing People II

3. Alice Matsumoto

Website information:
www.50cups.com/strange
Archive.org results for 50cups.com
Google search for “Alice Matsumoto”

4. Dennis Mahoney

Website information:
www.0format.com
www.giganticide.com
TMN archive
ALA article from 2002
Archive.org results for 0format.com
Google search for “Dennis Mahoney”

Missing People

1. Andy Crewdson

Website information:
www.linesandsplines.com, www.new-series.org
archive.org results for linesandsplines.com
archive.org results for new-series.org
Google search for “Andy Crewdson”

2. Craig Mitchell

Website information:
www.myboot.com, www.myboot.org
archive.org results for myboot.com
archive.org results for myboot.org
Google search for “She Hates My Futon”

Celebrity Blogs I Would Or Wouldn’t Fuck

Would:

• Goldenfiddle – Whatever new and disgusting sexually deviant shit some fucked-up drunk teenager is trying to add to Wikipedia right now, that’s what Spencer can do to me.

• Go Fug Yourself – One of my three main fantasies right now is where the Fug Girls tie me to a bed, dress me up in Bai Ling’s absolute grossest outfits, and then they just berate the shit out of me like a pair of demon Stacy Londons.

Wouldn’t:

• Hollywoodtuna – No offense. I actually really like the site, but I always feel really dirty after I look at it. Like the time I found all those Mexican donkey show bittorrents that my dad was seeding.

• Perez Hilton – Gross. Gross gross gross. I would let Gene Shalit give me a Boston Steamer before I ever let Perez be naked in the same hotel as me.

Content Management Systems I Would Or Wouldn’t Fuck

Would:

• Vox – The Japanese schoolgirl of content management systems, practically begging for you to stalk it on Myspace or rub up on it in the subway.

• Drupal – The exotic foreign exchange student. If you can figure out what the hell language it speaks, it’ll be so greatful for the attention it’ll bend over backwards and let you do whatever you want to it.

Wouldn’t:

• Blogger – Really popular, and consequently has every virus known to science.

• WordPress – High maintenance; you have to read a lot of documentation in order to do it right. Always leaves you wondering if you should have used different plug-ins.

• Movable Type – Looks like it used to be a lot of fun when it was younger; now it just sort of lays there and doesn’t do much. Takes forever to refresh. Spends most of its time changing in and out of different outfits.

• Livejournal – The CMS most likely to be into Harry Potter bloodplay.

• Textpattern – Looks very attractive and willing, but beware. Textpattern whispers in your ear “I’ll do whatever you want. Come on, touch me here,” and you touch it there and it DIES.