Big News!

December 4, 2007

Sorry posts have been sporadic lately, but as you’ll see, there was a reason. The exciting news is that I finally sold my first TV pilot to YouTube. It’s a reality-based competition called Infrastructure. (I like the name, but am prepared for it to get mutilated in committee.) The basic idea is that, obviously, being on any TV show like this will provide the participants with a certain level of celebrity. But as we’ve seen time and time again from pretty much every reality/game show/competition/whatever, the famousness doesn’t last (I was going to mention something about Kelly Clarkson, but I don’t want to date myself!).

online paparazziSo the hook for Infrastructure is that we guarantee the winner the tools, support and resources to keep them famous indefinitely. We can do the usual stuff like talk show appearances, movie premieres, and fashion mag spreads, but also dedicated paparazzi coverage (think “accidental” upskirts or unfortunate bikini pictures), viral stuff online from the celebloggers we have on staff, and even some of the more invisible stuff like “projects” getting canceled, leading to inevitable stay in rehab (actually just a hotel) (which leads to more magazine articles) and then rebirth, lesson learned (news show/MSM features), and then new movie roles, etc. We think we can keep a person famous pretty much forever if we do it right.

If I’ve lost you: this is before just about everyone’s time, but a long time ago you’d have movie stars who were famous for 10, 20 years, even longer. Like, the same person, famous all through that time. Kind of hard to wrap your head around now, but it was actually pretty common.

I’ve already had to make some compromises, which sucks, but whatever. I figure once this goes well I’ll have more leverage on my next project. My original thing was that this was going to help unknowns get and stay famous, since the 15 minutes of online meme fame thing is so done and lame that no one’s even trying anymore. But once we started lining up sponsorship and support from the media congloms, it turned into a thing to rejuvenate the Hollywood studios/old movie system with people they already had on file. Like people who have already been in movies and TV, but you don’t hear about them anymore. Think like Reese Witherspoon and that guy from Donnie Darko, or the singer who had the kids with that guy. People who aren’t famous in the traditional sense, but were at one point. So they’ll be competing on the show (just doing stupid embarrassing shit, doesn’t really matter, haven’t worked out the details) and whoever wins will get famous. The real kind. Anyways, pretty exciting. My mom’s freaking out, already telling me to get autographs of whoever ends up on the show (not sure why, must be another old thing.)

Anyways I should have time here and there to update the site, but it’ll be spotty for a while. I hope everyone has a happy holidays and all that, if I forget to mention it later.

I know, but get over it. Things are happening, behind the scenes, and you’re not my only website. You’re not even my newest website.

I made a static overview page for the posts about Jennifer Love Hewitt. There will also eventually be a page for the sex-with-celebrities tag. Why? Because I believe in the idea of presenting things within a narrative framework, even if the internet abhors a context. I suppose you think that makes me old-fashioned.

TWITTER IS JUST OK

“Twitter is just OK.”

(Context)

A Cold Inclusive Primer

July 12, 2007

jlh 1.0A warm welcome to all the people stopping by via Sippey and Daring Fireball. If you are interested in our series of investigative reports about the ways in which noted actress Jennifer Love Hewitt shaped the early days of the internet, and how she continues to influence its A-list movers and shakers, here’s what we’ve learned so far:

If Jennifer Love Hewitt isn’t your thing (which is a shame, considering that you wouldn’t be here, enjoying the internet, if it wasn’t for her), here are some other of our more popular articles here:

Thank you very much for stopping by. Add us to your feed reader. We won’t let you down.

Sorry I have not updated in so long. I have had some Family Troubles that I’ve been dealing with. My cousin has been diagnosed with that disease where your body grows at a normal rate except your butt stays like an infant’s. I forget what it’s called, but you can look it up on Wikipedia. (If it’s not there now, try again later tonight.) Anyways, I’m mainly helping him stay comfortable at the moment. There’s not a lot the doctors can do, and if you think finding pants that fit is a huge issue, try finding a willing donor. We can (allegedly) put a man on the moon and do whatever that thing is that’s happening with Iraq, but we can’t figure out why my adult cousin’s butt is still as tiny as a newborn’s. Sorry to be a downer, I’m just Depressed about Life. I’ll write more when I cheer up. Maybe I’ll try to find a website on the internet where people take pictures of their cats and then add strange captions in Microsoft Paint and then save them as .gifs.

That last entry got a fair bit of traffic, (thanks Fluxblog!), so I guess the internet is screaming out for a clever modern re-imagining of Allen Ginsberg’s “Howl”. I wanted to do more than just the first line, but man that poem sort of goes on forever, doesn’t it? I couldn’t figure out how to keep it interesting all the way through. It’s probably the kind of thing Scott David Herman could bang out in an hour, but I am just not the man. And one of my resolutions this year was to not be poetry’s answer to Weird Al Yankovic, so.